Most days, Vikram can't remember how he became Vikram.

He must have always been here, since forever, since the beginning of everything, one lonely little man in a lonely little roadside inn just outside of Norfolk, Virginia. Ages ago, when he decided he wanted to build his own inn and become his own big boy entrepreneur, maker of his fate, he picked this road specifically because it's the only road leading in and out of town. There might have been other roads in the past, on another Earth, with another Vikram, but on this Earth and with this Vikram, there's only the one.

You can't miss it: Calliope Comfort Inn, cute and quaint and quirky, an ill-fitting dollhouse on a busy road. Don't forget about your complimentary breakfast and slice of cheesecake before checking out. No, we don't have plain cheesecake. Rhubarb, strawberry, or raspberry only. Thank you for your business because business is fucking booming.

His fuck-up sister Colette was one of his first employees at the nagging request of his mother, even though she has no eyes and scares the guests at night. His mother says: Love of my heart, why didn't you give your sister any eyes? Vikram says, again and again: Mama, that's not my real sister.

Colette never complains, at least, and that might be because she also has no mouth except when she wants him to fuck it. But his other employees don't complain, either. Vikram is a terrible M̶̤͉͍͌̕ͅÄ̸̛͍̪͇́͗Ņ̸̘̦͂-̷̢̖͘͝ͅĞ̷̡͇̞̮͖͆̒̐͊̽O̵̢̡͔̩̩͚͑͋̒̓D̸͙̖͋̿̍̚͜-̶̼̼̿S̴̹̙̞̘̀̀̄O̸̘̾̂̕̕M̶̨̲͆̓̋̋̄͑Ȩ̷͖͚̻̄̃̔̇̚T̷̛̛̯̜́̇H̴̖̯̀̎͜Ị̵͒̔̇̀̅Ṇ̵͈̩͎̓̀̑̅͘Ğ̷̯̥̽́̄͊ ̶̧̓̀̆̈́̀Ẹ̵͙̭̖͛L̵͚̗̳̜͖̥̃́̑͋̊Ŝ̸̨͖̔̌̐́E̶͈͍̝̅̓̋́̐̆, but a great boss. You want Friday off? Absolutely, work-life balance is so important. He'll pencil it in his calendar.

Now there are only six days in a week instead of seven, and one less day that Vikram has to wonder how he became Vikram.